


Is This It?

by arrafrost



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Addiction, Break Up, M/M, Magical Stiles Stilinski, Withdrawal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-13
Updated: 2014-06-13
Packaged: 2018-02-04 11:04:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1776817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arrafrost/pseuds/arrafrost
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a terrible accident, Stiles promises to give up magic but when Derek finds that Stiles has been less than truthful, he breaks things off.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Is This It?

**Author's Note:**

> Heavily inspired by Tara and Willow's relationship and Willow's own addiction/withdrawal from magic.

"You lied to me."

Stiles wasn’t expecting his afternoon to go like this. After last night, today was supposed to be an amazing day to make up for everything wrong that had been happening lately. It wasn’t meant to go like this.

Instead, he walked into the loft he shared with Derek and found him sitting at the kitchen table, with Stiles’ stash laid out in front of him. His gaze was drilling into him since he first opened the door, making Stiles want to crumble but the items on the table made his entire body go rigid.

"You said you’d give it up. You lied to me, Stiles."

"No I didn’t I just had some things lying around that I haven’t gotten rid of yet it’s not what it looks like Derek!"

Derek didn’t look convinced as he frowned, lowering his gaze long enough to pick up a certain item that had Stiles’ blood run cold. “Lethe’s Bramble, Stiles?”

"Derek, no."

"So that what? If I found your secret stash or if something went wrong again you could make me forget? Erase as much time as you wanted and play with my memory?"

"I would never do that!"

"You kept all of this, Stiles!" Derek growled. "What am I supposed to believe? Is this the first time I’ve even found these things?"

"Of course it is! Derek! I swear I wouldn’t do that! I wouldn’t!"

Derek sighed, closing his eyes with a shake of his head. “I want it out.”

Stiles shoulders relaxed slightly, “You… of course! Yes, I’ll get rid of it. I’ll throw it all out.”

"Will you?" Derek looked almost hopeful as he tilted his head at Stiles, eyes pleading.

"Yes, Derek! I haven’t even used it, I don’t need it."

All that hope disappeared from Derek’s eyes and Stiles had never seen that much disappointment outside of the time his father didn’t believe him about werewolves.

"You’re lying."

"No I’m-"

"You heartbeat, Stiles. You won’t get rid of it. Not entirely. You’re too attached to it. You’re addicted."

"Derek, I’m not addicted-"

"You can’t give it up. Not even for me. You want it more than you want us."

"I am not addicted to magic, Derek!"

"After what happened with the betas… you still kept that shit. You insist that you have it under control but you don’t Stiles. It controls you. And you’re content in letting it."

"I can give it up if I want." 

"But you don’t want to."

"Der-"

"I want you to pack your things."

Stiles’ had never felt so cold. “Derek?”

"I can’t live with you… I can’t be with you. Not when you’re dependent on something that’s nearly gotten people we love killed."

"But it wasn’t like that-"

"Yes it was, Stiles." Derek guffawed in disbelief, "You’re so intent on defending your magic that you’re denying the truth of what happened! Magic has you wrapped around it’s finger and you couldn’t care less what it turns you into! I can’t watch you do this anymore!"

"Please give me another chance!"

"You already got your chance, Stiles! One that I’m… not sure you should have gotten… I can’t.. I can’t let it take an actual death for you to see how dangerous you’ve become. So please… leave."

The world fell out from under Stiles’ feet that day. It took everything not to break down in front of Derek, but it was possibly because he was too numb. He’d frozen completely, unable to look away from Derek’s face… eyes both sad and angry. 

Derek excused himself, said he would come back later that night, giving Stiles plenty of time to gather his things. As soon as the door was closed, Stiles dropped to his knees and curled up on the floor but he didn’t start crying until he heard Derek’s Camaro speed away. He didn’t have the energy to muster up a isolation spell to prevent werewolves from hearing him.

Stiles spent the night in his jeep. Boxes of his things from Derek’s apartment surrounding him. Leaving that loft was the worst feeling he’d experienced in a long time. Staring at the dark, emptiness of it, how there was no trace of him left in Derek’s life… and there wouldn’t be anymore. It was over.

Everything was over.

.  
.

"iles…"

Stiles swayed with the internal music and the colors that lit him up, kept him warm and safe… and loved. It caressed him and soothed him. It let his mind go blank of anything that would bring him negative energy.

“ _Stiles_!”

He blinked through the haze, but sighed as another wave rushed through his veins and let out a small moan at the euphoria it brought him.

"Hey! Stiles! Come on man, snap out of it."

This time Stiles managed to shake the color from his eyes and focus long enough for the world to flood back to him. He was in his room back at his father’s home, who was thankfully at work that day. It was bland, harsh, and exhausting. He immediately wanted to fall back into the vibrant spell.

Stiles felt a slap on his cheek, and he realized it had not been the first time he’d been hit gently enough to not hurt him but hard enough to stir him. 

"Thank god, I thought you were lost completely."

Stiles managed to smirk, “Almost….”

"You look terrible."

"Thanks Scott. You know just what a guy wants to hear." Stiles finally opened his eyes fully, taking in the sight of his best friend whose face was the epitome of concern. 

"I’m serious, Stiles. You look… drained."

"Takes a lot of energy to keep that one up… Rack taught me that one."

Scott frowned and his eyes took on a new level on concern that Stiles was almost impressed with, “But Stiles that’s the guy who…”

"He’s not evil, Scott. Don’t get so worked up about it."

"But Lydia told me about him. Stiles, he deals dark magic."

Stiles rolled his eyes, waving his hand in a dismissive way. “Magic isn’t dark or light silly, it’s all in how you use it.”

"And right now I’d say your use is somewhere around abusive."

"What?"

"You’re abusing the power of magic to get high, Stiles."

"Whatever worrywart, that’s not what I’m doing," Stiles slumped more against the wall as he felt the magic rush through him once again, calming his nerves. "I’m just relaxing and forgetting about…"

"About Derek?"

"Who?"

"Stiles that’s not funny. You can’t avoid him and from what I’m seeing… Derek was right."

That hit a nerve and the magic sparked around his fingertips, growing hot and bitter. “Right to kick me out? To abandon me? Yeah Derek was totally right to throw away everything we’ve built just because I like to play around with charms and cast the occasional spell.”

Scott’s eyes widened and he moved further into Stiles space, “Stiles it wasn’t the occasional spell! You were dependent on it for everything. You used magic to turn the pages of your books, you stopped using Google because you could tap right into a computer with magic. You even used it to get dressed in the morning! Stiles did you forget what happened with the betas?”

"That was nothing, Scott." Stiles growled, finding it harder to stay calm and not let his emotions cloud his judgement. He was sick and tired of hearing about this. Of being blamed for one little mistake. "Just a small backfire… everything was fine."

"Stiles!" Scott’s hands gripped Stiles’ shoulders and shook him, "You nearly killed Erica and Boyd! Isaac was in the hospital for three days!"

"I was trying to enhance their-"

"You used your magic to manipulate their wolves without their consent. It turned them into… they were feral, Stiles. They practically tore each other to pieces. It wasn’t a backfire, it wasn’t a small thing that you can brush aside so easily. They’re different because of that, scared of themselves and you! And then you… you said you’d give it up. That you took it too far and you would stop using magic! You didn’t just promise Derek, you promised _us_! And you broke a promise to your pack.”

"So is that it? Derek’s leaving me and now the pack too?" Stiles spat, magic surging through his veins. "You’re all abandoning me just because of one mistake! One stupid spell that I thought I could control? You’re going to get rid of me and toss me aside all because I’m not your squishy human anymore?" 

Stiles felt the magic lift him and he found himself on his feet, facing Scott who had stood up with him but had also taken a few steps back. Scott’s nostrils were flared, and he looked scared but he wasn’t backing down quite yet. 

"Stiles…"

"You’re all jealous! You’re so used to being the ones with powers! Wolf hearing and smell and strength and claws and now Stiles gets a taste of power and you want to take it away! You finally get to be an alpha and you can’t stand your stupid sidekick best friend to be more powerful than you, right?"

"Stiles… calm down…"

"No!" Stiles shouted, clenching his fists. "No, Scott! I won’t calm down! I want to use magic and I’m going to use it because I know what I’m doing okay? I fucking know what I’m doing and I’m good at it! I’m allowed to be good at something!"

"Of course you are, Stiles. You’re good at a lot of things," Scott held out his hands in a non-threatening fashion as he talked to Stiles in a cautious tone. "But you’re… Stiles your eyes are black right now. I just think that maybe, you should try to let the magic go right now. And talk to me without it. Just-"

"I can’t let the magic  _go,_ Scott! It’s part of me, okay? I am magic and you’re not taking it from me!” Magic surged out from Stiles, charging the air and magic the earth feel softer beneath his feet.

Scott jumped back but he didn’t break eye contact. “Stiles please. No one wants to take it away from you, we don’t want you to get hurt and this-“

"You just can’t handle it can you big guy?" Stiles scowled, taking a step forward. He was tired of this conversation. He was sick of his friends treating him like a monster when they were all werewolves and he just wanted to be accepted for what he was now. He wanted to have something special about him but they wouldn’t-

The breath left Stiles’ as he stopped dead in his tracks, all thoughts of his jealous pack forgotten in the face of the darkness behind Scott. 

"Stiles?" 

His eyes widened with fear as the darkness crept up behind Scott, moving in ways that chilled Stiles to the core. 

"Scott… it’s behind you… it’s going to-"

And then it did. The darkness swallowed Scott up with its jagged mouth and then it set it’s twisted red eyes on Stiles. He screamed as he scrambled away until his back hit the wall of his bedroom. The darkness followed him, it’s talons reaching forward and stroking Stiles’ face before wrapping around Stiles’ neck and tightening.

He struggled for breath, screaming hoarsely, kicking his limbs out to try and dislodge it but it was there, sinking into him and absorbing him, until there was nothing left.

.  
.

Hours later, Stiles woke up in his bed. He was soaked with sweat, and he was running a fever underneath the cold compress someone placed on his forehead.

 _"Stiles calm down! There’s nothing here! It’s all in your mind_.” Scott had called to him as Stiles shrunk against the wall, magic clouding his vision. Stiles had hit him and kicked at him until he finally passed out. But Scott was wrong. It wasn’t all in his mind. 

There was no monster, no darkness that had devoured them. It was the magic itself, eating away at Stiles… It was the dark that consumed him. 

Stiles let out a sharp sob that brought two people rushing to his bedside. Scott, the best friend he could ever ask for… so understanding and refusing to leave his side even after Stiles had set his magic on him. Stiles looked back at himself, at how angry he’d been at Scott. He had intended to use his magic against him and for that, Stiles hated himself. 

Next to him was Lydia. Eyes blown wide and soft smile soothing him and making the pang of guilt worse. No doubt Scott called her and she rushed over to whip up remedies to help Stiles recover. She was the responsible one. She didn’t have magic… but she could control it a hell of a lot better than Stiles could.

"I… I don’t want to do this anymore," Stiles cried and immediately Lydia took his hand. He squeezed it harder than he intended to. "I’m so sorry, Scott! I didn’t-"

He hushed him, giving him a goofy smile as he rubbed his thumb into Stiles’ shoulder, “It’s all good, Stiles. We’re good.”

Stiles slammed his head back into the pillow. He didn’t deserve how good they were too him  

"We’ll be here," Lydia assured him, "We’ll help you."

Scott nodded in agreement and Stiles sighed.

He knew what he needed to do. 

.  
.

Some things in life were easy. Becoming friends with Scott, playing Minecrack until the sun started to rise, keyboarding class. Other things were hard. And for once Stiles had no puns to make because giving up magic was one of the hardest things he’s ever done.

He suddenly had boundless amounts of sympathy for people who quit smoking cold turkey. Because quitting magic cold turkey… was the worst experience of his life.

He spent most of the time wrapped in a blanket on his bed, shivering and sweating and wanting to curl up and die. Lydia was there, feeding him soup filled with nutrients and herbal remedies that would help him get through this faster, that would make his pain slightly more manageable. But there was only so much she could do. She couldn’t ease the way as much as he would like. There was no magical morphine she could give him to make this bearable. A magic detox meant more than not using magic. It meant zero consumption of anything with magical properties.

Scott was there too. He would lay with him in bed, get Stiles to play games to take his mind off the pain. When it got too much for him, Scott would let him curl up in his lap and he’d continue playing while Stiles watched. 

Stiles tried to meditate, tried to make his world tranquil again but it was loud and sharp. He had been out of his mind… magic took him away from himself and he got to feel free and powerful. Now he was back inside his mind and he wanted desperately to get away from it.

.  
.

Stiles dragged himself out of his room and down to the kitchen. Lydia and Scott’s presence was waning as Stiles’ condition began to improve. They couldn’t wait on him in his room forever and Stiles needed to get into the habit of moving around and doing ordinary things without the aid of magic. 

Like making food. He settled for Mr. Noodles. The easiest of food… still made hard without magic helping him.

Once it was sufficiently cooked, he sat at the kitchen table and stirred in the flavor, sighing over the cheap food. 

"Is that my shirt?"

Stiles jumped and damn near fell out of his chair at the sudden and unexpected voice. He held up his fork in a defensive position to the intruder only to find it was Derek and he was tempted to stab himself with the fork instead.

Then Derek’s words sunk in and Stiles glanced down at the v-neck button shirt he was wearing. Derek often wore it with the sleeves rolled up and he looked really good in it. Stiles had taken it with him on the day Derek told him to pack his things and go.

He could have lied, even though Derek would know it was a lie, but instead he decided to tell the truth. He owed Derek that much. “It smells like you…”

Derek’s eyes softened slightly, “Yeah.”

Stiles nodded awkwardly and lowered his weapon, sticking it back into the noodles and twirling them around. 

"How are you doing?"

Stiles glanced back up at Derek and he almost seemed just as awkward as Stiles was right now. “I’m… better.” Which was truthful in comparison to how Stiles was barely sleeping and spending most of his days in cold sweats trying not to scream or run to the nearest magic shop to roll around in what once comforted him.

"You threw it all away," Derek almost sounded proud as he moved closer to the table and Stiles’ lip quirked up in a half smile.

"Lydia and Scott did actually. Got rid of everything for me." Stiles’ smile grew at the thought of how much his friends cared for him. They had done so much for him and he was forever grateful. "Been magic free for nearly two weeks now…"

"Are you still suffering from withdrawal?"

"Oh hell yes," Stiles exclaimed before blushing and glancing back down at his noodles. "I mean… yeah… it’s not as bad as the first week but it’s getting easier to handle. Lydia thinks withdrawal will end after three weeks. Maybe four."

Derek nodded along, his eyes genuinely interested about Stiles’ well being as he acted like everything was normal aside from the uncomfortable tension between them. Suddenly it felt like the first few days of withdrawal all over again. 

"Why are you here, Derek?"

That stalled him. Derek averted his eyes, taking a moment to think about his response before he met Stiles’ gaze again. Even if Stiles’ gaze was mostly focused on his bowl of noodles.

"I was worried about you… I wanted to see how you were doing."

"I’m fine. Don’t have to worry about me. I’m perfectly fine."

"You gave up magic, Stiles." Derek stated the obvious and Stiles was tempted to say that and make fun of him if not for how impressed Derek sounded. "What you’ve done is-"

"Not that big of a deal. It had to be done and I should have done it sooner… I should have done it when I promised and instead it took me losing my mind to do it. I was an idiot…"

"You were an addict."

"Same thing…"

"Stiles."

"I don’t even get why you’re here, Derek! You’re done with me and my bullshit. You don’t need it. You just… you should go…"

Derek frowned, shrinking back from the table, “I’m sorry. If you want me to leave, I’ll leave. I shouldn’t have come here thinking…” Derek paused, shaking his head before he straightened up and gave Stiles an understanding smile, “I’ll leave.”

"Thinking what?" Stiles asked, his curiosity getting the better of him. And also he didn’t want Derek to leave, not really. It just… hurt. Having him here, having what he couldn’t have. Again… just like the first couple days of magic withdrawal.

"I shouldn’t have come here thinking that you… still wanted me."

Stiles sucked in a quick breath that stung all the way down. “You… you still want me?”

"Stiles, I’ve always wanted you."

"But you-"

"I know… but I thought. I couldn’t handle it. Who you were becoming… there was less and less of the person I fell in love with."

Stiles nodded. He couldn’t argue with that. After looking back at who he was, what magic was doing to him. He hated himself. 

"You’re Stiles again," Derek stated in a soft tone that Stiles wanted to wrap himself up in. "You smell like you again."

"I didn’t smell like-"

"You smelled like magic. Not the good kind either."

Derek didn’t hesitate and Stiles should have known that’s what he smelled like. He remember when he first got into magic, when it was crisp and clean and fun, Derek said he smelled sweeter and sharper. The magic added to his scent in his strong way that didn’t overpower him. Along the way, it must have taken over, gone sour, and he couldn’t imagine what that had been doing to Derek’s senses. Along with the rest of the pack.

"So… I can be part of the pack again?"

"You were never out of the pack, Stiles. I think Scott made that perfectly clear. The pack loves you."

"Even if I nearly killed a third of us?"

"Stiles you-"

"No excuses anymore, Derek. What I did was wrong."

"And now that you’ve owned up to it, we can move past it."

Stiles nodded. He needed to apologize to the betas still, and hopefully they would forgive him even if he didn’t deserve it or expect it.

"So you… still-"

"Always," Derek answered, voice confident even if Stiles hadn’t finished his question. Staring into each other’s eyes, everything seemed right. For the first time since Stiles gave up his magic, he felt like the world was no longer pounding in his ears.

“We should probably… start off slow. See if we can be the people we were again,” Stiles hesitated. He wish he had the confidence to become the person he used to be again, to be the good person he was before he succumbed to magic. Sure he fucked up and he was accident prone and mouthed off a lot, but at least he didn’t nearly get people killed. Quite the opposite usually. Maybe he could become that person again.

“Yeah… we should go slow. See if we can fit together again and I’ll help you, the whole way.”

“As a friend,” Stiles said but it was almost a question as he continued to stare into Derek’s eyes. Unable to look away from the most comforting presence in his life.

“Right… as a friend.”

They both nodded, not breaking eye contact and after several moments, Derek moved forward once again and Stiles couldn’t help but stand up to meet him. It felt so right when Derek’s hands moved over his waist and up his back, pulling him closer until their lips met and Stiles suddenly had no idea why he’d turned to magic when he already had this feeling in his life. Kissing Derek was better.

“I missed you,” Derek whispered against Stiles’ lips, tugging him into a tight embrace that Stiles nuzzled into.

“I missed you, too. So much.”

“We can do this,” Derek reassured him, sensing the anxieties plaguing Stiles at that very moment. “You can do this, Stiles.”

Breathing in Derek’s familiar scent, Stiles grounded for the first time in weeks. And for the first time in months, he actually believed that he didn’t need magic to feel special. 

**Author's Note:**

> God this is a terrible ending and so cheesy I'm sorry 
> 
> Follow me on [tumblr](http://arrafrost.tumblr.com) for more fics and feels


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